I love Ainsley but I love him so much that I've lost a bit of myself in the sense of who I am. This is pure love and hopefully my only love. I've never been inlove before so when I first was touched by it I was in heaven. It was euphoric and magical. First love First everything. But all that slowly calmed down and now the reality of being in a relationship has sunk in and my GOD its fucking hard. All those feelings in the beginning were so heightened and new that you kinda got so caught up in it. Oh how it was pure bliss to not worry and just love love LOVE. Don't get me wrong I'm still inlove with all my heart but there are new emotions thrown into the mix like paranoia, anxiety and the worst of all just overthinking. Since I've never really been in a relationship i had no one idea how to go about it and just kinda delve right into it. Its such an amazing feeling to know you have someone there by your side to love and to hold you in times of need.
Ainsley has such a beautiful mind, body and soul and a life without him now is unimaginable. I honestly have never felt so much adoration for a being (well Ella lol but thats different) and I will continue to love him till my last breath.
But being inlove or in a relationship takes work, time and effort and when you do put all those things into it its seriously worth it. There's no such thing as a "perfect" relationship and I've come into terms with that because at first in the beginning of everything i thought it was all perfect but as time went by and the more we got to know each other the more difficult it was to see it as "perfect". Right now i feel kinda lost in the relationship i feel like the age difference between us is finally taking its toll and things that have not come into light before are now only showing up. By being so inlove with a another person you kinda lose yourself... I feel like i have...I'm only just coming into terms with that now...
love YOU
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