Ainsley is right thats why i hate him for it. He's so much more older and wiser than i that sometimes i feel so dumb around him. But i do hate it sometimes, he doesn't help and makes me seem stupid with his arsy replies. I just wish he'd understand that all this motivational talks and giving it to me blunt about not having anything for myself affects me greatly. Instead of it helping me out by making me realise, its just done the opposite I've reached a new low of sadness and I'm trying to occupy my time and do things that I want (e.g hair and gym and friends) but it still not enough. I feel like they're just fillers and temporary distractions of reality or I'm just a pessimist lol just get over it Alyssa, do what makes you happy...
Sometimes i feel like Ainsley is changing me or actually has and I don't really know who I am anymore without him but that just leads back to the whole dependant thing, but I'm gonna start now and learn how to be ok with just my own company. But no matter how harsh it comes across he's right we need that "self progression" and i need to work hard for something, even if its not something that i particularly like or want right now I just need to WORK. Its all easy saying you need to do that, figure that out, learn this ect but actually finding the motivation is so so hard that you're just stuck in this continuous loop of trying but not trying hard enough so you don't get shit done. Life's hard. I've only just realised that at the age of 21...
Get your shit together
Nothings forever
Life is hard then you die
At least give it a fucking TRY
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