WEEK OF FREEDOM

Parents went to Cancun for a week and I survived... Well i had Ainsley with me to stay and keep me from not burning the house down ect...
Nice week of chilling and being ill and now i can cook! i really like it now, before i wasn't very confident but now I'm really enjoying it. I don't enjoy spending money to buy the food lol who does but i can actually cook.
I've made a couple of pinoy dished but nothing too big and difficult but i'm super proud of myself and want to learn more. I've realised I've become more independent without my parents and i can now see how i can grow if i wasnt living at home and having constant restrain from my parents or worrying about what time i need to be home ect. I have to give props to ainsley hes helped - just being there and i know he likes his own space

2017

welcome 2017 you bitch!
You better treat me good and give me all that i need to become the person i want to be by the end of the year.

Come at me bro

Catch up 2016

XMAS was amazing with my fam and Ainsely's! So much fun, food and laughter it was wonderful...Feel even closer to his family and even tho mine wont admit or express it that much...they love him too. 2016 has been a rollercoaster, its had its ups and downs but in 2017 I will try not to focus on the negatives more than the positives. Ive realised i did that quite often in 2016 so for me to progress emotionally i have to think about how lucky and grateful i am and where i am. Plus i hate being on the pill 2016 has been shit for my hormones since changing and being on the pill but anywayssssss
Its been a a year and cant believe its passed but i looking back and reflecting on the year i have done a lot in a sense of i went back to uni i went to Philippines and took Ainsley with me which just brought us even closer (which i thought was impossible) and also meeting my fam and Maddie is a BIG thing and i knew he'd fit in so well and my family would love and approve of him.
As i'm typing this the year is over now and well its 2017 and i want to proper dedicate this year to ME and how i can self progress not just mentally but also physically...
wish me luck
 LOVE U

Uni all nighter...WHEY

I'm such a procrastinator and a lazy little shit. As always I'm very last minute and left my 2,000 essay and 1,000 plod literally a day before the deadline. I was in London for 5 days and coming back and realising I have a fuck ton of work load to do, so I start to panic. Like half way through the essay and 4 coffees in I started to have a anxiety attack and panic PANIC PANIC! Tried to calm myself down and rang Ainsley because I knew he would calm me down with his calm ass demure. It worked...until he hung up and I was left with 1000 more words to type. I'm DYSLEXIC for sure and my concentration and attention spam is.....

I had 30 mins sleep more like a power nap. Handed that bitch ass essay 10 mins before the deadline and now I'm in Ainsley's bed typing this wondering why I'm not dead asleep yet...

Oh well...

His bed smells sour

Sour Ainsley sour Ainsley

He's turning the music up louder

Sour Ainsley sour Ainsley

ok cba

bye 

LY

p.s I need to get on top of my work or I'm gonna throw myself off a bridge...lol jk 

LND

LONDON WAS LOVELY. 5 DAYS OF STROLLING. AINSLEY'S FACE BLEW UP lol
I LOST MY VOICE. WINTER WONDERLAND...
I'll get back to this I'm too tired. I'm running on 30 mins of sleep...

Chilling

Last night i finally got to just "chill" with Ainsley. It was nice we watched two black mirror episodes, drank, smoke and ate my Carbonara. After we made love for the first time on his sofa - it was amazing as usual... Since moving into his new home we haven't really been the same in the sense of we just "chill and hang out" at home. There's something different I just cant quite put my finger on it but it was still lovely and we needed it for sure, we've been so busy and trying to do things together (e.g dates, town, concerts ect) that we I missed just doing nothing for once. Maybe its just because he's not lonely anymore and doesn't need MY company that much because there's someone else. Like before I was close and quick to come to him but now even tho he lives closer to me you'd assume I'd be over even more but its actually the opposite. However I think I just need to get used to the fact that we're at that stage of relationship where we (more him) needs space to do our thing and the comfortability is great but i don't want it that much to the point that he's laid back about us. I get annoyed when there have been perfect moments to say the words ' i love you' to me but i feel like i have to say it first and more just to get it out of him...i just need that verbal recognition of love and i've mentioned it before and it just seems to lessen...hey maybe its a guy things i dunno. So anyways, i stayed over and as usual i wake up earlier than him and had to wait for about 2 hours for his lazy ass to get up, i love waking up next to him tho its comforting and it genuinely makes me happy and at ease.  Right now I'm typing this entry while he plays Skyrim...

" Love is a sheet of paper with a list of bullet points written in our partners handwriting" - School of life

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-NiJzwdN0Y